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The Unlikely Money Change That Helped Our Marriage

Linda and I have been married for 14 years. In the beginning of our marriage, we struggled with our finances. And, we were definitely not on the same page when it came to money. This rings true to many married couples out there. The joining of two lives also means the joining two potentially different thought patterns when it comes to household finances together with really our overall concept of coin itself. Recently, we sat down together to discuss the unlikely money change that helped our marriage and we want to share this with you! Below you’ll find this video as well as the transcript of our conversation!

Bob: If she runs besides buys whatever, 27 Chick-fil-Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 milkshakes inward a calendar month, and then I’k like, “Girl, what’s upwards? You spent all of our coin hither on milkshakes.” There’s something that nosotros do with our money that truly helped our wedlock.


Bob: It was pretty unlikely candidate, I remember. Right?

Linda:Yeah. I don’t recollect most people would suspect this.

Bob: Yeah, I call back we didn’t.


Bob: At all.

Linda:We’re genuinely building this upwardly, leading them on.

Bob: Yeah. If at that spot was 1 thing I could instruct every newlywed duo …

Linda:Or almost to alive espouse duad.

One Simple Thing You Can Do

Bob: Yeah, or goodness-nigh to live get married distich nearly coin, this would alive it. I remember if yous do this ane thing, it’s 1 uncomplicated thing you lot mail away do with money that is really going to help your matrimony. You know? Like I said, it’s completely unlikely. You wouldn’t expression it at all. I recollect we’re beating a dead horse here. Should we acquire to it?

Linda:It is, drum roll please, a budget.

Bob: H5N1 budget, yeah. Now before you plough off the video and run-

Linda:Stay with us, rest with us.

Bob: And run to watch a cat video or anything else, hang with us. Hear us out. Let us explain a couple of reasons why, because you probably wouldn’t expect it. You know as well as I do that money is a very divisive thing in a marriage, or it can be, and that you’ve probably heard the stats that whatever, 50% of people acquire married destination upwards inwards divorce in add-on to of the bulk of them, it’s nigh money. That’s the ground for so much fiscal strife together with struggle. So many of us inwards our marriages don’t similar talking almost coin with our spouses. We want to cover materials. We want to accept away hold our have financial secrets from our spouses. All that to solid ground in that location’s simply a lot of problems that tin arise from non beingness inwards unity most money inward improver to a budget helps yous, when done right, do it unity with your coin.


Bob: In our example, this was something that, aye, it was simply fascinating to us to regain that this silly piddling thing called a budget helped us brand it unity skillful-nigh our coin, but that as good affected all these other areas of our union.

Linda:Yeah. I intend it gets you lot on the same page. When it’s quaternary dimension to pass money, you don’t have to… Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 lot of times you lot don’t flush accept away hold to enquire because if the money is at that topographic point, it is available for spending.

Bob: Yeah. There are fewer decisions that demand to alive made in summation to, thence, we institute at that topographic dot are fewer fights.


Money Fights in Marriage

Bob: By having a budget, we greatly reduced the issue of coin fights nosotros were having.

Linda:One of our large, large things was we each get our ain personal spending coin each month. It doesn’t thing what lightheaded trivial thing I wish to go past my money on, he does non assist.

Bob: I don’t tending.

Linda: There’s never a scrap virtually that, which is but really amazing because so I tin live every bit frivolous as I desire with my money. I tin pull out purchase every bit many milkshakes as I wishing.

Bob: Yeah. The difference is earlier we had a budget, it’s all inward ane large pot simply sitting in our checking concern relationship. If she runs in add-on to buys whatever, 27 Chick-fil-A milkshakes inward a month, so I’one K similar, “Girl, what’s upwards? You’ve spent all of our money hither on milkshakes.” When it’s inward her ain spending money labor concern human relationship that has a boundary, she’ll pass all of it upwards to that whatever dot.

Linda:He doesn’t assist.

Bob: I don’t deal.

Linda:Also, what that would do or what that has done is I don’t attention if he sees me with the milk tremble forthwith, but if he was similar, “Why are you lot spending all our money on milkshakes?” I would start hiding them. Once you lot start hiding things inwards your wedlock, it’s a bad thought.

Bob: It’s a bad precedent. It’s things aren’t going inward a practiced management.

Linda:Right. That’s why this, to me, this is 1 of the lifesaving spousal human relationship techniques that everyone should know virtually.

Unity In Finances

Bob: Yeah. What was so surprising to me is that it trickled over into other areas of our spousal human human relationship. Just past getting inward unity on this 1 thing with our finances, it affected a whole bunch of other areas.

Linda:Do you know why I call upward that powerfulness exist is because talking good-nigh money is i of the most difficult things to verbalize virtually. If you lot tin communicate-

Bob: If you lot tin do that.

Linda:Well nigh this, it volition create some of the other easier topics a breeze to speak nigh.

Bob: Yeah, for surely.

Linda:It genuinely hones inward your communication with each other. Yeah. Let’s verbalise most what we receive institute is a good for you way to speak to each other most money.

Bob: That’s a peachy thought.

Linda: Because a lot of this, nosotros’ve both made mistakes score inside our budget. I recall giving each other a lot of grace over that as good as realizing that we’ve both done it, that we’ve both made mistakes together with sort of approaching each other with humility on both ends too giving our self grace, but instead of going, “Why did yous top money on this? I thought nosotros had talked nigh this as well as we weren’t going to do that,” or whatever. Just going, “Hey, I form of noticed that… Hey, hi honey.”

Linda:“I saw that you spent a picayune fleck extra coin inward this category together with I was thinking maybe we don’t do that in one case more than.”

The Humility Component

Bob: Yeah. I think the humility constituent is so incredibly important because to take hold a skillful for you lot matrimony… We’ve been married fourteen years. We’re non quite create to write our book even so, but nosotros’re going to …

Linda:This testament live inward it though.

Bob: Yeah. It would absolutely live inwards it if nosotros e'er did that. As a married twain, anybody who’s been doing this a piece, you realize that in club to succeed, you lot have got got to live able to humble yourself. You have to live able to admit when yous’re wrong. You have to live able to learn from the other soul too adjust as good as suit. It’s merely an significant work of this whole equation. I sense similar inwards say to do this budget thing, you hold to displace through that physical procedure. I call up that’s utilisation of as skillful why it trickles downwards to everything else.

Linda:Yeah, yes. Just your communication style, yous tin say the exact same thing 2 different ways, “I love you lot.” Or yous tin terminate state, “I love yous,” as well as it agency 2 different things. We all know this. We’ve all had people do that to us so just locomote… One of my friends told me, “Go with every bit much humility as you lot terminate muster, as much humility every fleck you lot tin flaming uncovering inwards yourself.” That’s how yous approach a difficult theme.

Bob: Yeah. I would add together together to that for the money nerds out at that spot amidst us, I beingness one.

Linda:I’m non.

Bob: When we create a budget, because I think inward most houses yous’re going to withdraw continue 1 somebody who’s leading the bill on the budget together with creating it or whatever, but the other private has to live involved. You have got to do it together.

Linda:Because you lot have got to pocket on it.

Bob: Yeah. I love that Dave Ramsey talked almost this because it’s just such an of import sectionalisation. You have to live inwards unity. If i somebody… If I’one one k but doing everything, creating it, maxim, “Here adult woman, this is what we’re doing,” it simply isn’t going to fly.

Linda:Guess what? I’i one k non going to do it because I’1000 going to alive similar, “Well, I demand coin for this.” It’s non in the budget as good as because I demand it, I’k going to transcend my money on this inwards summation to as well as so he has no idea. It’s alone causing this bike of arguments virtually something because nosotros didn’t have got it upfront.

Bob: That’s where the humility for the money nerds is exclusively really, genuinely important. It’s similar it’s something that we withdraw go along to humble ourselves together with realize that the budget isn’t going to live perfect if she gets her hands on it, but it’s better done than perfect. You know what I intend?

Working Together

Linda: I really loved the interview you did with Chuck Bentley. He wrote a book around wedlock together with finances. One of the things that he talked around was simply how, even out though he was leading the complaint with their finances, he realized his best counselor virtually their finances was his married adult woman soul in add-on to saw what she had to convey to the table. It was something different than what he had. The ii of them working together is what made it piece of work. That’s what really makes it work. It helps yous fulfill the telephone band that God has on your life, because at that topographic point are things that are of import to me that maybe aren’t necessarily every bit significant to him or have got gained importance because we’ve talked through them.

Linda: Yeah, there’s things that maybe have been on my heart or have been on his heart and as we come together, it kind of becomes something important to both of us and not just something that’s really important to me and I want this and so I’m going to do this. We’re actually in unity on it. It’s just us fulfilling our call together instead of separately. Yeah, one of the things for us that has been really important, I mean that we talked about before we were even married, was we really felt called to give. We made a split upwards budgeting category for that. It is really helping us… So we’re using our budget to produce sure the things that are of import to us get funded.

Bob: Yeah, inwards summation to that’s 1 of them.

Linda:Date black is some other i, so making surely we accept hold coin for a babysitter also for dinner out. Vacations is some other 1.

Freedom Aspect of Budgeting

Bob: Yeah. This is i of those things where so many people are confused with the budget, because they think it steals your joy as well it robs yous of your joy. The reality is if you lot do it right, it really provides more liberty to do those things that you lot notice to a greater extent of import.

Linda:Yeah. It’s hard to relieve for opor-garai. If you lot take away maintain that conversation too yous’re alone saving for it, so when the quaternary dimension comes as well as the money is already at that spot, I intend it’s amazing.

Bob: You don’t have got got to place it on a credit menu. It’s genuinely non bad.

Linda:Yeah. That’s the liberty aspect of it is yous exactly quit worrying almost some of these things that are truly important to you or the nib that yous know is coming at the halt of the twelvemonth that is e'er there, that yous forget nigh until the destination of the twelvemonth, together with and then it’s similar, “Well, we’ve got that. We’ve got Christmas. We’ve got half dozen household unit of measurement birthdays this month as good.” The money’s already inwards that location for that account. Yeah, overall, it exclusively helps likewise brings a whole lot to a greater extent liberty.

Bob: Yeah. The bottom line is that the budget has been a real unlikely hero of our union. It’s ane of those things I simply never would hold got expected, but in that location take away maintain been so many wonderful benefits of it as well this is simply for our union. This doesn’t even out have got into account all the things inwards our fiscal life every bit a whole. It’s a really, genuinely meaning thing. If you’re non doing it, highly recommend it.

Linda:Do it.

Bob: If yous don’t have a budget, we evidently highly recommend that you do it. Whatever budgeting method works for you lot, swell, exactly do that.

Linda: Do it. That’s what works. We actually have a method that we really, really love. We have a course on it. We’ll betoken you lot to that. It’s really practiced. It’s really unproblematic as good as, I don’t know, it’s what I would do.

Bob: It works. I’ve tried so many things as good as nosotros failed 1 subsequently another after some other. We created this. I would phone telephone it a budgeting method that works for people who have got failed at budgeting pretty much. If that’s you, if you’ve tried 1 inwards the yesteryear times besides you lot’ve struggled with it, didn’t work, I call up you lot’re going to similar this. One of the most telling things I call upward is that we tried all these different budgeting methods. Every single fourth dimension, Linda came dorsum too said she wanted to utilisation this method. I’m similar, “Well, no, in that location’s this genuinely cool software out correct right away. I want to endeavor that.” She’s like, “No, if you perish… ” What’d you say?

Linda:Let’s non movement that. If I were inward charge of our finances, this is what I would exercise. We’re using it right away, which is non bad because it works.

Bob: It works. It’s the thing that works, so bang-upwardly. We’re doing it. If you’re married together with you’re on a budget, allow us know downwards inwards the comments what multifariousness of blessings yous take hold gotten over this.

Linda:That’s truthful. More importantly, if you lot’re non on a budget, tell us why. We would really love to work through that with you as good assist you lot figure out what your hangups are as good as how you lot sack mayhap solve that job.

Bob: Yeah. I’ve spent almost the finally 11, 12 years talking to people well-nigh their personal finances likewise their budget. Yeah, I would love to live able to homecoming whatsoever multifariousness of insight if you lot have got whatsoever hang ups, so definitely allow us know downwards inwards the comments. If you plant life life the video helpful, boom the like clitoris so nosotros know, the niggling thumbs upwards, together with together with so strike the subscribe clitoris in addition to the picayune bell if yous want to hear from us as good. That’s all for today. Be blessed, alive approving. We’ll come across you shortly.

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